Developing Continuing Relationships

The excerpts from journals that follow are examples of participants' developing new, continuing relationships with their loved ones on the next plane of life.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I had a little trouble settling down and focusing trying to talk my own way into relaxation, without the narration, but I was able to do it, to invoke the protecting White Light and to connect with Steve, who was the person I connected with last session and was the intention I had this time again. As of right now, I feel like I need more practice and I keep trying to race ahead, not do the slow pace. I felt like Steve was already there waiting for me and I had to work with myself to get through the countdown. I wanted to try to stick to the instructions.

Once I went for where Love resides in me, Steve immediately stepped out from where it wasn't so clear to where he was right there and we were connected. He is so glad to have me there, and tells me I am doing it all fine, he's always been available and with me, and now I'm knowing it better too. I told him I'm trying to learn to listen and allow things to unfold, instead of always talking and taking the reins, as has been my pattern. He showed me some quick places we'd shared together when he was in physical, like a slide show, but we were at each place, not just looking at it. Him sitting at his desk at work and me there with him, us at a conference we went to together in NY, over at his house, and then he said today he just wants to go for a walk on the beach.

We were at the beach in my town that has the lighthouse that always connects me with him and we were walking along, now in bare feet, it was warm out, and we were walking at the ocean edge and also up in the sand. He was having fun, felt playful and full of love. He let me know we don't have to do anything spectacular when we meet like this. We can take a simple walk on the beach and talk to each other about anything we want to talk about.

I told him my two main concerns were with my husband Ray, and my mother. He let me feel Ray needed to feel only love from me, and to not be critical of him, and he will feel so good about himself, even as he faces retirement. His health will be okay and he'll be better and better as I let him feel loved and not criticized, as much as I can do that. My mother, "won't be too long, by summer" she may pass from physical. (She's 92 and fading away slowly) It felt peaceful, and Steve let me feel her passing would be peaceful, which has been her and my main concern. She lives here with us, and Steve showed me an image of me coming down one morning to check her and she had peacefully left physical life, so it would be as she wanted and I can let go of worrying. Steve knows that Ray and my mother are my two chief concerns. He said, Let's just walk on the beach, and he took my hand, and he encouraged me to feel how peaceful it felt. Things can be that peaceful, even not here walking on the beach. It was beautiful and sunny and warm.

I told Steve the hard part of these experiences of connecting is having to leave. He let me feel it's just like when Ray goes to work each day. I know I'll see him at night and I don't have to be sad each day. I have him in my heart and look forward to seeing him at night. Do the same with us, Gay. Just trust you'll be back seeing me, and I'm with you whenever you think of me. Soon you won't even need a process. Just think of me and trust it is me and we are connecting. Those are the feelings of what Steve was allowing me to feel when I was with him.

He held me tight and swung me all around and held my face looking at my eyes. I love the feeling and I love feeling it still as I write. I told him I wanted to count myself out so I could stop dreading that I had to leave, and that I would be back. I'm going to do this each day to keep practicing. All day yesterday I felt Steve right with me though, and it feels great!

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I easily saw the door of "Deep Love" and walked through. I had a conversation with Helena where she was telling me that I needed to open up and start to see the signs that they were sending me that will guided me to a happier life. I needed to just let them do their work so they could help me. I said that I felt alone and I felt that might be holding me back from seeing them, Helena told me that's what they are helping me with and I needed to stop worrying and let it come.

I saw an outline of a beautiful butterfly and I said to Helena "That's a beautiful butterfly but it's only an outline of a butterfly, it's got no colour." Helena said “No, it's like you Mum, you need to let us help you fill with colour. You’re like an outline of yourself before I left and you need to be filled with colour." I reminded Helena that I understood why she had left this earthly realm and I didn't blame her for leaving all her suffering, pain anguish and agony her spirit felt while she was in her body. Helena said " I know but it has still drained your colour. It’s affected you Mum, and I didn't want that to happen. I'm sorry Mum."

I told her I love her and if she's OK now, as a mother that's what I would rather, but I miss her so much. Helena said "Well now you know how to visit with me and you know we can be with each other whenever you want and I know you'll be back and soon. Now just open up!" I felt as if she was being quite stern with me but in a loving way, really trying to get me to listen to her advice. I said to Helena, "Well I always felt you were my mentor and you still are, I know you're wise, knowledgeable and very intelligent so I'll take your advice and try my best to see the signs you send me." I felt as if Helena was relieved she had gotten through to me.

I gave her a hug and told her it was hard to leave her. Helena said just come back anytime. I walked back out the door of "Deep Love."

I’m feeling more hopeful about my future with Helena on this earth with me through the rest of my time on earth

I was talking to Helena out loud today and I had a sudden thought to turn on the radio and change the station from the station I normally always listen to (Talk back, politics, news) The first station I tuned to just began a song and the lyrics were " I'm always with you, I 'm here right beside you, I'm always here right next to you" and how loved you are by me. I can't remember the exact words but that was too much to be a coincidence as I was talking to Helena about her not being here (on earth ) with me anymore and I missed her and needed her.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

As I walked through "The door of "Deep Love" after running through a whole lot of memories with my daughter Helena I wasn't expecting to see her there, I thought I'd just wait and see if she arrived but she was there so excited and beaming that I was there. Helena was all giggling and so excited she couldn't stand still. Helena grabbed me and hugged me and we held each other for ages, swaying in each other's arms. I could smell her perfume and her hair was so soft. Helena pulled back and said "don't I look great? and I feel so good Mum." I said " Helena, you do , you look so beautiful, you have always looked beautiful but know your glowing" Helena replied "I like how I look now."

I told Helena all about how I understood why she left the earth realm and I didn't blame her, her suffering was just so bad for so long and I knew she wished she could have been this well and happy on earth and stayed with me but I really am so alone here without her. That my life revolved around her and now there is no one in my life and it's hard to be so alone. (I have no family, partner, my friends deserted me after Helena left because our friendships revolved around me supporting them and when I was a shattered mess and needed their support they just left me to and I suppose found someone who could support them because I was grieving).

Helena said " I know and we're going to fix that mum, Just wait and see." I said "Will I find a new life partner?" Helena shook her head to say "No." Then she had a beaming smile and said "You'll find LOVE!, even better." She said you know when, in July ( I had done a meditation session on my own the other day and connected with Helena and I kept getting the thought July, and the 7th month in my mind when I was asking Helena that same question).

We hugged and held hands. I told her I would be back to see her often and asked her to show me a validation so I would truly know that I was having a conversation with and that she had told me I would find love in July. I kissed her and said goodbye saying I would be back to see her soon.

I walked back out the door of deep Love" I felt my body jolt as if my Spirit had stepped back into it and I thought " go back through" so I went back through the door of "Deep Love" and Helena was still there, like she knew I would be coming back through. I was going to ask her how she would be able to do this for me but before I could ask her the question. Helena held out her arm and swung it around to point to a crowd of people behind her. They all waved at me and smiled. Helena said "They’re all helping Mum, don't worry, just wait and you'll see!" I thanked her, told her "I love her so much and I'll be back." Helena blew me a kiss as I left.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I went to my marble palace which is as beautiful as ever. I sent out the intent to meet Mark and he was immediately there also. He told me to never worry. He is always wherever I need or want him to be. I know this deep inside. I always know. I started to ask Mark to take me to Eternity then decided all I wanted was to stay where we were surrounded by glowing warm marble. A beautiful place unlike any I've visited in my physical life. That's exactly what we did. We sat in the Lotus position holding hands facing each other. Mark had the appearance of a Greek God to me and when I asked him about this he laughed. He explained that he knew that in the old Scion commercial I found an incredible resemblance with him and "Zeus" especially how he smiled and said he was the God of awesome. I miss that commercial because the actor really did remind my husband and me of Mark. So he showed himself that way.

We didn't do a ton of talking. Actually I don't think we talked but communicated mind to mind. What we expressed was drenched in love. Mark kept telling me "love love love " over and over. It's what he is. It's what I am. It's what matters most of all. He told me he is sorry I feel this pain so deeply, that he doesn't think he would have agreed to this life in which he left young if he had realized. If any of us had really understood how much pain his passing would result in we may have planned a different life. Yet, because while in Spirit we forget just how deeply we feel pain we forge ahead. When we first cross over we all say we are never going back to a physical life but eventually most of us want to take on challenges once again. Let me clarify that Mark was adamant he feels no sadness having shed his body because he is so free and happy and with us always. But he knows how much pain I suffer. How all of us are suffering. He wants me to remember that while our physical selves has the suffering our Soul rejoices in it. He called it a crucible that takes hard lessons painfully excruciating lessons and turns them into the most beautiful of joys as we progress on our path. The physical fights against it even as our true selves, our Soul craves it. I've never thought of it quite like that but I know Mark is right in this.

He told me it's perfectly okay for me to grieve and cry and mourn. He told me I'm perfect. Not in a physical way but simply because I am a being of Love. Love makes us all perfect no matter how "flawed " we consider ourselves. We are not when you strip the shell away. Over and over Mark said this. Over and over he gave me to feel this. Love love love. Always in a series of three. Three signifying unity with All That Is and Universe. He was adamant in this area.

He expressed pride in me learning my true worth. I grew up as a very scared and insecure person. Now I'm learning to see myself as I really am. Perfect. Loved. Loving. Mark thanked me for being willing to become a searcher, a seeker of truth. The universal truth of love and oneness. He is excited that I'm willing to listen and learn. He says this is why we connect so well on all levels because the loss became my catalyst for growth. Spiritually as well as in physical form. He told me he loves seeing me seeing more to my physical self in positive ways such as starting yoga (he laughed because I always slip and call it yogurt. Maybe it's because I'm eating yogurt daily Lol) . But this and me going to the gym and trying to rely less on my meds and more on myself and all he is teaching me thrills my Mark. He knows I am trying.

We talked a bit more about when I shed my body and am fully reunited with him. Mark reminded me it won't be just him I will become one with but with each and every Soul. He made it clear I am not finished here yet but when I am it will be glorious beyond anything I can imagine and so worth the pain now. How very much I love Mark. How very much Mark loves me....again love love love.

Mark decided to fade away and send me back but with the promise he is always with me and connected to me. Every minute of every single day. I came back refreshed and renewed in my knowing we are never apart. It was such a happy and love filled connection.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I had the best possible event. It was terrific. I am in a whole new place as I sit down and type this. My life has changed. Better than I could possibly have hoped. I was not able to identify what the problems were in my life experiences that drove my emotions in certain ways that were troublesome and sad. I will try to tell you what happened.

I decided to relax into the experience by imagining a home I want to find and live in late next year, perhaps. I spent some pleasant minutes, maybe twenty or more, wandering through my imaginary home, looking at the tall old trees in the yard, seeing sunlight filtering through the leaves, picturing the roses and flowers and the fireplace I want and so on. I imagined having extra space in it to run some Reiki training classes as well as healing sessions. And having space to work on an online training program I would like to start next fall. I felt lovely feelings of quietness, peace, feelings of achievement and security.

Then I realized I was drifting off and focused on going to The Park again and looking for Laura..."trying" to "find" her which I usually have a hard time doing, and have not managed to really do except with limited success.

This time suddenly an unexpected picture emerged from the mists and there was a small, distant figure, standing a long ways off on a seashore. The sea was dark and stormy, the sky was dark, it was a scene that reminded me of the Heathcliffe story in Wuthering Heights. Dark drama, birth of something lasting and great.

The figure waiting for me there wore a pink jacket, bundled up against the cold wind she herself had created for our enjoyment. I love storms, didn't know she did too.

We hugged and I felt, as usual, a bit self conscious, expressing that affection for her. I told her how much I loved her. I really couldn't possibly tell her how much I love her, it would be impossible.

A pretty bench appeared on the grass up from the beach a little, and I said, (as I am older now) I would like to sit down. We went to the bench and sat and she turned to me with a very serious look and began to talk to me.

She told me how hard it is for me to accept being loved; how very much our love for each other is, how huge and forever it is, and nothing can ever break it. She said, you have been remembering moments when you failed to show me the love you felt, when you were a bit harsh,under stress of your own, and I needed you to talk to me and we couldn't seem to talk. You feel you have failed me. She said, you have to stop that, because you need to realize how deep and permanent and forever our love is for each other. We have been through other lifetimes together, sometimes as mother and daughter, sometimes as young men experiencing great adventures together...she showed me a glimpse of us as young men, great friends, diving under the ocean and travelling, doing dangerous things together. She showed a time when we were young nuns together in a convent. I realized that our love has gone on and developed over aeons of time and space.

She pointed out that when our difficult times have gone on in this life, there were things she herself had to learn, things she could have learned before but had not. She had not learned to stand up for herself properly. Now she has learned. She has done many things since arriving on the other side and I asked her how she is doing in her life now. She said it was not possible to express to me how much pleasure and enjoyment we feel over there, working and playing and just being and developing further. She said that I, as her mom, had to learn to enjoy being loved and realize how much I was loved and FEEL the love and FEEL giving the love back. I can't explain how she explained all this to me. She reached out and hugged me and I let down my walls and allowed the love to flow. It seemed to natural and I realized how silly I have been trying to staunch off the love flow, afraid of its power and potency. She looked into my eyes and expressed her love without reserve and I was brave and allowed my own adoration for her to be expressed in my eyes and feelings.

It was a new and amazing experience. Most amazing, that the love of that quality has been there from the moment of her birth and has never stopped, I just kept trying to repress it, afraid of it. Now I know I am loved, and that awareness has transformed me from the inside out. It makes EVERYTHING that was hurting me and holding me back, it makes everything okay. I now realize why I couldn't get through to her when I would go looking for her. I felt the hurt when I did not express my unconditional love to her enough when she was a teenager and needed that support so much and could not ask me for it. I could not go back in time and fix it, and it drove me crazy. Now that is all gone. We are in a state of acknowledged profound, everlasting love that nothing can shake. The thing was it had to be openly acknowledged and honored. Now we have done that, thanks to her skill and compassion. I love her so much.

Imagine, I gave birth to this angelic being! Incredible. What a job I did, giving birth to her. She is an immortal personality growing all the time. I asked her if she would still be there when I finally pass over, as I seem to be taking a long time to get there. She explained that the Higher Self that we are both part of continues to create "fragments" made of parts of ..DNA??... or something...of our total, higher self, and as a total personality, made up of many different people who have lived completed lives in the physical, and are now in spirit, and more such personalities are being born still and must complete their life experiences and challenges, and so we, as individual souls, will always be who we are, and will always be available to each other, even though, as time goes on in those eternal places in the non physical realms, we develop into more God like creatures of light, we can adapt to our original physical bodies and likenesses any time we need to. So she will always be there for me, and I for her. And we can always connect also on the levels of previous lifetimes when we were together experiencing the physical at the same point in space-time over the centuries. So we have much to explore in terms of our true, total relationship.

I left and returned to my body fully again and was filled with relief as a monstrous burden lifted from me for the last time. I am complete, my life work is worthy and fulfilled in Laura, and other life works can go on without further hindrance pulling me down.

When I came back to full awareness after the experience, I realized how right it was; I had never allowed myself to experience the full feeling of being loved, of being sure I was loved, and the pleasure of having those loving feelings back, without holding back from those feelings. The lesson Laura taught me today has changed my life; I am a person who is loved. Amazing. I have gone to a new level in life, better than winning the lottery. I am fully loved and love back fully. I look into her eyes and experience the love without shrinking back from it in fear and shame...I am unworthy, don't by silly, I can't be loved. I now have broken through that wall and am fully and completely loved and beloved and love in return. We will always love each other without reserve. I no longer look back in sadness at the moments I missed my cue, did not express my love for her when I should have. The love is forever, was always there and will always be there. Our love for each other is our ultimate security no matter what. I have not had the pleasure and stability before that this kind of assurance brings.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

Arrived at my place of love I didn’t notice Karl, I guessed as much, because since yesterday night I didn’t hear any airplane. So I rushed to the green landscape, founding quickly his little rock, where he was leaning against with his back….. in silence….imagine another review or retire. I sat down beside him, noticing that he looked for my left hand, holding it strongly, I felt it. During this silence I heard sounds of an airplane, but my father ones, a little Cessna. Over and over again the airplane corned sharply over my house…. And then I realized the appearance my father, standing near to us. He was so wonderful looking, in his shining long toga, in azure blue, his young beautiful face underlined by that kind of sageness of an high intelligent personality, giving him this awe, this reverence. Me: “ I wish to thank you so much having looked out for Jimmy. He‘s getting started on the upgrade, I know, thanks by You!” My father smiled, looking down at me and Karl, who’s still holding strongly my hand in silence.

At a single blow, my father put his hand on our two united hands, just like that famous sign, when a young man asks for a woman’s hand and the father with this sign gives his consent uniting the woman’s hand to the man’s. He was blessing our love! A most significant and emotional moment, because my father with this sign finally agreed to the relation of Will and me…. This was very important for me!!! You can imagine that I couldn’t stop my tears, I stood up and for the first time I embraced my father on the other plane. It feels so good! ….I felt his tears too, my good father! I didn’t want to release him anymore…. But tenderly he took me at my shoulders: “ Be patient with your mother, be good to her! You are her angel on the Earth plane! Help her in her last period…. And kissing my front vanished.

I sat down again, close to Karl, in silence, reviewing what an important event has happened…feeling a indescribable peace was unfurling in me…still holding Karl's hand with my left hand….. connection ended,

…. after standing up and washing my hands in my bathroom, I noticed my left palm blushed….Will must have hold my hand really strongly.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

Journal question: What did this person look like?

He was wonderfully beautiful, he looks young, like the first time, we spent together on earth. He looked like a 26-28 old person, dressed so nice and elegant = white trousers and a light blue shirt, curly red-blond hairs and finally a beard again! He smells very good. He’s smiling at me,overjoyed to be with me.

Finally I felt “at home”! Not alone! I felt being close to that person I’m wishing to be closed to.

Journal instruction: Describe the dialogue here. If you remember the dialogue itself, write it here.

Me: Hallo ,I’m overjoyed to see You!

He don’t answer. But he cuddled me, began to weep, began to smile, he kissed me and kissed me, but being in silence. Then he took my hand and arm in arm we’re walking down these large floors of the medical centre. He continued kissing and cuddling me.

We stopped walking, remaining in a tender embrace, feeling each other very closed, for a long while saying nothing….. cause we didn’t need talking…

Me: Didn’t you feel pain anymore?

He smiled and me demonstrated to me his whole body, giving me a sign to touch his back, where are the lungs, one time racked with pain only touching them tenderly. He let hear me his kind of breathing, it sounded normally and wonderful, he ran up and down, showing me smiling, that he was able to, at least he took my hands and we’re dancing on that large floors, laughing loudly like two silly kids.

Me: Are You happy, where you are living now?

Karl: I’m with my brother Hans, with Your father, sometimes I see my son. I do with them electronic researching. (He was an electronic engineer for medical instruments and appliances). I’m helping people with cancer, I’m here in this centre very often. It does me good, I know, how they’re feeling . But your father and me, we’re doing handwork in electronic. Hans is helping us, giving funny comments.

Me: And your mother? (They quarreled, he for 2 years didn’t talk to her. She died alone in a hospice. She didn’t agree his way of life..)

Karl: We love each other.

Me: Do you often go home at Munich?

Karl: Yes I do, you know why.. (his wife, still living has cancer too). My daughter, you have you seen her on the Internet. She has a very good job in a centre for persons with Downs syndrome, I’m very proud of her. And You see and recognize all my signs I’m sending to you, it’s fantastic, how we can communicate with them… we know the way, we’ve just practiced them in life on earth.

Me: How is Adele? ( his wife)

Karl: Not so good. She’s suffering very much.. but she must do it , it is the right way for her.

Me: And your other daughter?

Karl: You just know, she’s like Adele. But her kids are fantastic!

Me: And here with me?

Karl: I’m so often with you. I love you, I love your Life, your place, where you’re living, you know that all. I’ve to protect you, because on earth there is no one protecting you, they all have their lives.. you have good kids, be proud of them, you have a good companion, without real love, but he is a good person. Your mother is… love her, forgive her. You have to continue helping persons, they need you.

Me: May I come to You, crossing over… soon?

Karl: No answer…. Then: I cannot…. But you are and you know that, so often here with me, during the nights… and you know that very well.

Me: Can we continue our contact? Karl it still remaining actively?

Karl: KIEP KUHL! ( I see in that manner, it’s written in German pronouncing, we did that joke, very very often… speaking in another language and writing in that manner, how you have to pronounce it). I don’t let you alone, I’m waiting for here, I don’t want to go on… when you’ll come, together we’ll svilupate.

Me: Don’t do this, don’t’ stop, please go on!

Karl: Don’t worry, I do OK. No, I don’t know…. I’ll see… later ,when you are here, we’ll grow together.. we’ll help people, together. You and me!

Me: I love You!

Karl: and I love you more.. so much more, you can’t imagine how much… but now, let us be silent and enjoy this experience. I’m so happy, that we have each other, beyond the bounds of earth and heaven, I knew this all the time. Your father is here with me, he’s smiling at you, he’s standing here, he’s helping me… he knows that he failed separating us.. now he is helping us, you see his signs too, you know them.

Me: Thank you of being here with me!

Karl: Don’t worry so much about so many things. Stop it! Be careful of all my signs. Craig is good! Go on, it is the right way! Be humbly, pray, forgive, be good to all persons, I love You. So many times I’m with you.. that will never change, never… you know that!

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

In Stage 8 of the Self-guided Afterlife Connections procedure, the participant is to become attuned to the regular connections and presence of the person in spirit. This is one man's response to the Stage 8 activity.
I don’t remember how many days ago I asked Jean to “come to me when I least expected it”, but what happened today some people would call coincidental, but I believe it was more than that. Let me explain.

I ordered our footstone marker on the 5th of this month and hadn’t heard anything from the man yet, but was told it would be at least a month before I would get it. I was doing something this morning that had nothing to do with Jean, my mind was on something else. Something or someone told me to call the place that is going to make the footstone and I stopped what I was doing, picked up the phone without hesitation and called him. I told him who I was and he said he had my order right in front of him and was working on it. He also made the comment he thought “it was very coincidental that a customer would call shortly after getting started on it. That doesn’t happen very often” he said.

Very seldom do I drop whatever I’m doing, pick up the phone without hesitation and call someone. I could be wrong but I feel as if Jean told me to call that man right then. Was this the “come to me when I least expected it”? I didn’t get any feelings that she was with me at that moment, I don’t remember having any feelings at all right then besides after dialing the man’s number saying to myself “what am I doing”.

I don’t know if this is what I’m supposed to let you know about or what, would you let me know?


Oh yes! That is the kind of thing that will happen to you, and you should be sensitive to it and thank Jean for it. You see, those communications happen all the time. We’re just not attuned to them. Sometimes you’ll have the sense of presence. Sometimes, she’ll send the thought to you but isn’t in your physical location at the time. She can be on any plane. In that place where our thoughts, impressions, feelings, and intuitions are, we’re in the same room with each other, even though she may not be in the same physical, Earth realm room. Just keep up the dialogue in this new relationship you have with her. She’s always a thought away.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

Today I’ve had a wonderful connection with Karl. We were close to each other, embraced, and having real dialogues, asking and responding, I really heard him talking and explaining to me, with his fine, silent voice and in his calm , confidential manner. He assured me that we were dialoging as ever and whenever we need it to do. I asked him why I cannot feel him, his hand, his kiss, his caressing. He imagined that this will be a question of weight and vibration…..he said, that all these physical constants, we use on earth, were totally diverse. But Karl assured me, that he can feel my caresses and kisses on his photo.

I asked him about his occupation and living and duties. Karl told me, that he had chosen freely and spontaneously to help heavy diseased people on Earth, he said that very often he turned to the Earth Plane, to Munich, his native city, where he lived his earthly life, he had to go to this big clinical centre, to hospices where people laid in final state of cancer, waiting for crossing over. He said that he is the specialist, the expert of the clinical centre where he tried to cure his cancer, knowing very well this labyrinth…. Their way to cure, the doctors, the machines…. He said too, that when I’ll cross over, we will do these missions together, helping diseased and invalidly persons on the Earth plane. During these occasions returning on the Earth, at Munich so often, he can have a look to his daughter have some difficulties, his wife. I asked about the state of her illness, if she had just passed. Karl denied, explaining that she is suffering very much…. And how long? I asked. Karl: Still for several years, under bad conditions of life. At least I asked if he knew when I finally can join to him, ending my Earth life. He answered that I still have to live for my son, because he needed my help. I was wondering, because I see my son growing up well…

….Then Karl kissed me good bye, ”I love you, don’t forget it”… he had to go…. And for the first time I saw him leaving me, going to the circle of my place of love, there he reversed, sending me a last smile and a kiss flowing to me… and disappeared in a golden shining light…. and I felt my tears running down my face…..Thank you my Lord, of giving me that wonderful opportunities of grace and lovingness…..

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

Arriving at my place of love, for the first time I could my own appearance in a foggy reflection, created on the ground. I was wondering and admiring my young, sweet and lovely looking face, wearing a long white lacy flounce dress , wearing the white floral wreath, Karl has given to me yesterday, on my long blond curly hair, like once a time, …. Mmmh, not bad at all!

I saw Karl on the top of the stairs, nearby the opening, that wonderful shining moving circle, a simply but very lovely place of love. He was waving to me with 2 hands. I bumped into his arms and joyfully he clasped me on his bosom, veering me round. Nevertheless I couldn’t hide my tears, because I didn’t really feel his hugs and kisses, I’m longing for much.

Karl smiled, dashing away my tears, making his eyes light up, saying to me: “Put two fingers on your cheek! Don’t move them, I will do it!” I did so and after a little while I could feel my 2 fingers moving tenderly, describing delicately little circles… caressing in this manner my cheeks, my front, my hairs, my ears, my lips…. the most endearingly kind of touch I’ve ever had! What a heartwarming sensation!......

Movement was coming into play: I could see so many well-known persons coming out of my opening circle, first of all my neighbor Sebastian: “Greet my wife Valerie!” Yes, Sebastian, this time I promised you to do it, then passed Eleanor, the daughter of my best friend, I recognized the plenty of her little earrings, I saw inhabitants of my town, known and well-known faces, I saw the old man Bruno, father of another friend, crossed over only a few weeks ago, saying: “ I am always walking, I like walking, walking without pain. I saw a German friend of my mother, living here in town too, a vigorous, not gentle woman in life, she seemed so sweetly. Then confusion, many persons were coming out, never ending…. I didn’t know them, but it seemed that they were knowing me and wanted to greet me….I became a little bit afraid of this event, so Karl took me in his arms, seeing my state of confusion, and conduced me out of that scene…

In a few moments we found ourselves in this marvelous, calm and green landscape, I ‘ve seen it just for several occasions. Karl whistled and a sympathetic young dog arrived jumping around our legs, a boxer, Karl wished to have one on the Earth plane, but he was not allowed… “ This is Sam!” he explained, joking with this jumping dog.

Then we ‘re going for a walk in this beautiful landscape, talking about guides and angels and the Source. Me: Who are your guides?” Karl smiling: “ I have several ones, inter alia- among others, Craig in a certain manner is relevant for me! You are wondering, aren’t you?” Me : “ Yes, I’m wondering, because I didn’t know that even Higher Selves can just be guides!” Karl: “ You must know, that I have given my personal permission in collaborating with the Spiritual Understanding Association. You know, WE ARE IN CHARGE… I’ve become acknowledge about Craig and his Research, I liked it and approved his ideals and therefore I agreed to collaborate, helping and influencing your thoughts for finding Craig on the Earth plane! It was not easy and it takes some time… but how do you pray each night: “ Seek and you shall find! Ask and you shall receive! Knocking at the door, they will open it!”….. connection ended, during my writing the usual type of airplane was flying deeply over my house, round and round and round, soaring loudly….

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I went easily to my beautiful place where the marble glows warmly not cold at all. I asked for Tom who came immediately. No visuals just an intuitive knowing. I asked to touch his face which I did but in actuality I was touching my own. This reaffirmed to me our Oneness. I asked to go through the doorway to Eternity. We did and it was more beautiful than I remembered. The flowers were more. More of everything. More colorful. More fragrant. The path stretched far into clouds and we walked past the benches we have sat on before. This time we went a bit farther before we sat. I think it was the eigth bench.

I still cannot go to the end but I go farther each time. We sat again no visuals of Tom and I remarked that as much as I wish I could see him and to have one more day with him that I know it would only leave me wanting more and so I will accept whatever I am blessed with.

I told Tom that lately I feel I have turned a corner on my journey. That I am able to feel more peace and joy more of the time. Tom told me my prayers to Spirit to help me to live more astutely and to die in an astute manner are heard and being answered. He told me I'm making great strides here and he is proud of me. He told me always remember he is in my heart as I am in his. That the Oneness is growing stronger. He feels it more because. I am still hampered by my body while he is not.

He reiterated that where I am is where I am to be. To let go of feeling I've abandoned my family by moving here to California. He asked me to put those feelings of guilt into the bubble and release any regrets. I did. Tom explained I am here to find life whereas I was slowly dying in Boise. That I am worthy of being selfish in taking myself out of a painful reminder. To enjoy life not dread it. That this is why he manuvered to get us here. Also because he knows its what his Dad always wanted and he deserved this reward for all the years he worked so hard. He also wanted us out of the support group we started and ran for two years. He could see the pain others were in was intensifying ours. California is a new start to a new life for us.

We went back to my marble room where we spoke a bit more. I asked for a hug and physically felt my body break out in chills as he hugged me. He again touched my heart telling me he is always there and I touched his knowing I am always there. Tom then left and I returned back here.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

Anxiousness to begin the process. I could see and feel the place I previously met my husband. I flet his anxiousness as well to. We kissed and embraced; I could see and feel his lips, skin, body. Then I talked a lot, unloading what has been on my mind and recent occurrences. I asked him some questions about what to do about certain financial matters, I asked him about our daughter's school grades and teachers, and I asked him about previous messages he gave me as well as validation of his messages. The dialogue between us seem to happen very fast, but I realize we went on past the recorded music. As I was coming out, I was prevented from opening my eyes and I received the message to pray so I did. The prayer covered a lot and extended from immediate loved ones to world leaders and mankind.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

My son Dan (deceased now) came right up to me. He wasn't clear, I know the pants he had on and could see his hair and face but not super clearly. He hugged me and put his arm around my shoulder the way he did in life when he wanted to have a heart to heart talk. He told me: I wrote it down because I can't remember things very well when he comes,seems so clear at the time but then it's gone. "Mom I want you to stop grieving me, you've grieved enough. I want you to be happy like I am. It is possible after such a loss to be happy again. You have so much to live for, to be happy about. I want you to see it.

"I am so good Mom, in a way I never could've been as Dan. Please have peace about that. I am always close by, always in all ways. I said a few things to him.

I know you're trying really hard. It's time to let the pain of Linda and Dan go and embrace our new relationship. This one is way more interesting if you let it be. More loving too, in ways I couldn't be as Ben in life. None of this was your fault, none of it.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~

I was able to visualize the relaxation and the divine light of protection as well as identify the power I have chosen to protect me. The doorway was much clearer and I felt a lot more physically involved, or I should say the experience felt more real as a physical experience would.

My place of beauty had some improvements, there was a beautiful flower garden surrounding a swing and I could almost smell the roses, lilacs and carnations. For some reason these were the exact floral scents I could identify. My self felt youthful and healthy and I could feel the damp grass under my bare feet.

I asked Greg to come to this place and he was instantly there. He said "Hey Mom," just like he always did in life. I asked him to sit by me and I laid my head on his shoulder after asking if that would be ok. I also hugged him. He had tears in his eyes and I asked him why he was sad, that I never wanted him to be unhappy. He smiled and told me he was sorry for leaving us and sorry for all the pain that his death had caused his loved ones. I asked him if he could see how this exercise was lifting my spirit and allowing me to have joy again, he smiled at me and said there were others who still grieved. I thought of his wife, his dad and his sister among others and I acknowledged that they were still extremely sad at times. We prayed together for them to be healed and for the way of communication to be given them.

I then asked him what the meaning of the oyster with the pearl was from our last visit. I then saw a card from a deck I have that I picked up at a yard sale the summer before last, its called sacred geometry. I haven't really spent much time with them but I will look at the cards after I finish this.

We just sat quietly and listened to the music for a while. Then I saw my dad again, this time he was young and handsome and I told him how wonderful it was to see him in his prime. He smiled and told me he had a surprise for me. Then my mother, who I haven't seen since I was four years old was there. She said to me, Hi Susie Q, I love you and so wish I could have been there for you. I hugged her and her words were in a voice I must somehow remember from my childhood as I have never thought in that voice that I know of.

Then it was time to return, I don't know how the return time is decided, but it seemed to me that someone was going to contact me with a solution to some mystery. Maybe just a random thought but it felt important.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~
The next two excerpts are by a participant who has connected dozens of times; it shows the rich continuing relationship she has developed

This time I barely needed to count down and relax in order to reach my marble room. Tom was with me immediately. I could see a quick image of him but only for a few seconds. Tom prefers not to be locked into my physical expectations. Unlike our usual connections I wanted to remain where we were and we as lightbodies sat facing each other. At one point I felt my head resting on Tom's shoulder with his arm around me. But in fact our bodies were not physical nor what would be recognized as physical.

Tom told me to look into his eyes and see the love pouring out to me. I was also pouring love to Tom too, in a non-physical way. I told Tom how badly I need him today. My strength is faltering and I asked if he would help me regain my strength. He wrapped me in love and strength and understood why I'm having a hard time. His dad and I celebrate our wedding anniversary soon. Mothers Day is May 12 but the hardest is his birthday coming up when Tom would have turned 20. Tom understood but also told me not to worry. These dates will be manageable, and I will be OK. He reminded me I am stronger than I know. I know life is not fair but I wish we had not planned this life to lose him so young. Tom brought up the fact that we live past, future, parallel and alternate lives. Many right now because time is an illusion. In this one I'm suffering his early passing but the others are not this way.

We also talked about how his need for me and anxieties regarding my safety while he was younger was due to his soul realizing we were going to part before we were ready, but he did not realize he would go first. Not until his teens did he know on a soul level. We both knew to try and savor every moment.

Tom reiterated that we were and still are the best parents for him. He feels we gave him everything. And he believes not a single other person he knew felt as wrapped in love as he always did. That's why he wanted to spend so much time with us, even if it included his friends, male and female. He loved how we welcomed all to our home. He had the best growing up possible.

Tom continued to remind me that I will overcome the bad times and to hold onto the big picture. He knows I know this is just one tiny life but one with incredible growth. And we are barely separate at all. My soul knows this.

Many of these things Tom has said before but each time I hear them it brings joy to my heart.

Tom also commented that each time I care for someone else or show love for Gaia by picking up trash that he smiles and I grow a little bit more.

This is the best I can remember from the connection although I've probably left some things out. We talked so much I can't always record it all but I do my best.

We did not say goodbye as we got ready to part but see you soon. Tom vanished and I quickly came back.

My thoughts are these....that these connections are real and true and Tom giving me what I need at any given time. Our love and connectings are incredibly strong.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~
from the participant who wrote the previous journal excerpt

As usual I went right to my beautiful marble room and Tom was there immediately. I again noticed that the marble is warm glowing and vibrant. Tom and I hugged then I asked to go to Eternity. We seemed to float or fly through the doorway holding hands but not physically. Its definitely soul to soul. I commented on how beautiful Eternity is and Tom replied that it continues to become more. More of everything good beautiful and loving. Because its made of love. He told me I can't quite understand it all yet but for still being physical I am grasping the concepts well.

We talked. Mind to mind. Tom told me how happy he is to see me the way I have been lately. Accepting. And more at peace. I seem to have turned a corner and am able to go on much more easily now. Tom loves seeing me smiling and enjoying life rather than crying. He said he can't guarantee I will always feel this peace but now that I have I will be able to get back to that state without much difficulty.

He and I both talked about how happy we are that we have so many ways to connect and communicate. Tom said not everyone goes to the lengths. I have to connect with a loved one who has passed. But he knew immediately that I would pursue any means I could find. We talked all the time when he was physical. Why would that need to change? Tom reminded me he is with me even more fully now as there is nothing to separate us. He is inside me beside me with me always.

He mentioned that he is glad I don't refer to him as dead since he is more fully alive than any physical being. I told him I know its not my time yet but that I have no fear of transitioning at all. We also talked about how the physical is the illusion. The Afterlife is the real existance. Tom also said it should be considered the before and after the false existance that we when physical call life. He is alive in a way I cannot begin to imagine.

We then went back to my room in preparation for parting. I said to Tom I find it mind boggling that my marble building pulsates with warmth and light. Tom said that's because its filled with our love and being. I can't exactly explain everything because the concepts are difficult to grasp in the body but I know its all true.

We then hugged and I watched Tom return to Eternity. I came back.

I'm finding my connections seem to becoming deeper and more easily reached. I don't really see but intuitively know what we are seeing doing and saying. Its so incredibly moving.

~ Participant Journal Excerpt ~
Stage 7

First I asked my husband if he feels fulfilled. The answer came that he does feel exhilaration and freedom as he fulfills his quest to understand the universe. This is his deepest yearning as it has always been. He was a scientist and a seeker. Earthbound he could only study what was related to his field and didn't have a chance to broaden after retirement since he began a long mental decline.

I asked him if there were special places he wanted to take me. There was a long silence as if he was really thinking about what he could tell me. Up to now he had taken me on earthly adventures. The thoughts that came tonight were that he wanted to take me on a voyage of discovery to the stars and the universe, but that would have to come later when I was no longer a human body. Hayward was always interested in stargazing.

I asked him what I should do to speak to him when I am overcome with feelings of missing him and sadness. I told him I missed his touch. He responded that he would touch my heart, and reminded me that those thoughts of sadness meant that he was connecting to me and I was feeling that.

I asked him what he wanted me to change or what he'd like me to do. He clearly wanted me to use my gifts to spread love and understanding to the world and to appreciate beauty to awaken more joy in my life. He reassured me that he would always be near and could console me in my sorrow.

I know he hears my monologues since I talk to him about everyday things especially what is happening in the world that he would be interested in. Like the actor Morgan Freeman keeping bees.

I asked him if he could let me see him. He wants me to get used to the new way of communication, feelings, outpouring of love and light from him rather than manifesting an image. He has appeared to me in previous meditations, but he is teaching me that it is more important that I let go of image and let the feelings increase so that they are part of my everyday experience, that I can ask him to come to me for support any time I need for him to be with me.



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